Where are you spring?

I'm starting to think that Spring may not even come at all this year in New York City. Its already April and it is still unbelievably cold! This has got to be the longest winter for me, for a southern California native, this is really hard to bear. Even my ten year old can't wait for summer! I think I fell asleep last November and I am slowly waking up from this deep and long slumber.

The last few months and weeks have been passing me by like one big giant blur. That's not good. I've been very busy with grad school classes online, I'm finally graduating this fall-- after four long years of study. It shouldn't have taken me that long, but I wanted to work and not be a 'po ass grad student anymore! I needed a balance, work and school, its working out pretty good for me can't complain!

Gone are the days I used to wear sandals and shorts in San Diego, day visits to the beach, and the constant warmth of the sun on my skin...

Spring, hurry up and get here already!

You're not that special.

 “A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
~Albert Einstein

Connecting the dots in a dream

Dreams are so crazy. Where do I even begin? I’ve been having weird dreams and epiphanies since I was a kid. I’ve been recording my dreams for a really long time now. You can imagine how many stacks of notebooks I’ve filled up just from writing my dreams down!

Two nights ago I dreamt I was on live t.v. on a ghost hunter show. In my dream I was in a team of people walking through an old house looking for ghosts or anything out of the ordinary. I remember feeling in my dream that I was never going to find anything and that it was all bullshit. That the ghosts we were hunting or trying to find weren’t even real. How crazy to think that in my dream? And maybe this is what I’m thinking in my life now? I feel like my perspective about a lot of different things are changing, I no longer view the world one way but from a place where I can totally separate my emotions and take myself out of the equation. I’m starting to look at things from a bigger expanded view and not through a pigeon hole.

Or maybe there are make believe ghosts in our lives that we think are real but aren’t completely all true. I’m starting to think that these “ghosts” in places that we think are haunted are completely non existent. That maybe this all stems from our fears. That maybe our own FEARS help manifest and CREATE things in our reality.

The dream I had made me think of what it was a metaphor for in my life now. And I know it could be the way I thought of things for a really long time. About God and praying and thinking that there is some sort of deity or higher thing that I should be afraid or grateful for in owing my existence to. I don’t know what’s out there, and I know that our human mind may not completely have all of the capacity to understand all there is to know.

And sometimes certain things in our life magically orchestrate themselves by aligning us with like minded individuals who help us understand and see things from a different point of view. I am used to believing that there is a God somewhere but I am in no way religious nor do I side with any religious views. For a really long time I knew that Christianity or Catholicism was never something I wanted to continue practicing. I had grown up Catholic and believe it or not I have spent a good amount of time going to a Christian church with my one of my aunts in San Diego when I was in high school. I’ve read the Bible inside and out. I found myself feeling really constrained and limited by what it preaches. I don’t doubt that it is the word of God that he channeled through people in history but I also think that it was relevant for its time.

I do however think that it is irrelevant for this time. And I know a lot of people may disagree with me, and I don’t hate Christianity - I will never do. But the way Christians think comes from a limited perspective and a place of lack, and I think that they accept things for what they are. I often hear, “This is God’s plan for you.” But quite frankly, we have the power to create our own future. I think if more of us took responsibility for where our lives are going and direct it so that we are living from the place that is aligned with our heart’s true passions, then you never have to see the challenges as something bad - but a way to motivate you and keep you going.

For the last 10 years of my life I secretly studied and devoured a lot of astrology, psychic energy and mysticism. The last 3 years brought me to a place where I actually learned to use my psychic gifts in helping other people and really learning to use this skill positively. Without focus or concentration this skill may never evolve. And this is true for everybody - we all have this ability even if you think you aren’t intuitive or tapped in at all, you’d be surprised what you are able to see with a little practice! I met and learned through another gifted Clairvoyant who was my mentor for a little over 6 months back in 2009. This was the first time that I really started to see what the human mind was capable of given these exercises to practice and cultivate. Two years into it I was really unbalanced with my physical world. Because I was tapping into weird things, I wasn’t completely focused in this world. Quite frankly my sanity was somewhere else. But I’m glad that I live in the here and now and more focused on the present. You have to be if you want to direct the future you want to have.

We don’t know if this “God” is a higher power or if there even is one. But what we all can relate to is a mysterious universal energy that guides our lives. There is a one energy that exists out there and this is what keeps us connected, that maybe this “God” consciousness connects us all and that we are God having different types of experiences and seeing the world from different perspectives. At least I’d like to think so.

The Reasons

I often think about the reasons why I do what I do.

• Why do you do what you do?
• Thinking about the reasons daily why you do things and what you're most grateful for helps you stay grounded and focused on your goals. 
• Staying in that LOVE energy keeps you attracting things that are good for you, allowing things in your life to manifest much quicker and rapidly. 
• Letting go and allowing things to happen instead of forcing things to happen is a huge difference. 
• But also keeping in mind a certain goal and taking those necessary actions to take you there. 

I love this quote from Samuel Goldwyn,

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Two Wolves

Native Wisdom 

A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."

"One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance."

"The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep VISION."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said. Then he finally cried out; "Oyee! Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee replied, "The wolf that you feed."

Unconscious Desires in Dreams

Lately all I've been thinking about these days are ideas about what a family should be like and surprised even that its the subject of a few recent dreams that I've been having! I've been unconsciously thinking too much about getting serious about my life. Every day I wake up and I think about the future I want to build and what kind of successes that I want to have in my career. This year has really brought out a lot of my introversion,  a lot of deep thinking about life in general, where I want to be creatively and professionally, and what I truly desire in my heart of hearts. There are so many things I want. And I know that since this year has started I have not wasted any time in trying to put my life back together and I've really just been going for my dreams. A lot of my time in the last couple of months have been spent in deep study (online grad studies) that I've been finishing from San Francisco. A lot of writing, in the last 2 months... I've been zoned out and trying to finish writing my first novel. It's so crazy to think that in the pursuit of exploring something creatively would bring a person to different heights. That the creative mind is far more capable than we could ever know.

I never once considered writing a career and a possibility. Every day I'm taking steps and getting closer to realizing a dream. That I could actually finish writing a novel and the possibility of getting an agent at a writing conference that I'm attending soon blows my mind. If I could do what I love creatively, I would be even happier than I am now. I'm truly happy and at peace with myself these days even though I'm so far from California, which I miss so much!

I'm still discovering parts of the story and every day something new unfolds for me as I continue to write. Its like these weird energies or inspiration muses that come to me at different times of the day and I feel the energy as it speaks and gives me ideas about what to write and how to write. Its really crazy, there are specific details that come and I know exactly where to insert it. Its the weirdest thing. I find myself going back inserting scenes here and there that I didn't even think of. That's why they say just write and through the process you'll discover many things along the way. And it's not the end of the world if you don't get it right the first time, you can always go back and edit out what you don't like. But if you don't get it out you'll reamin in a stuck energy. Also my novel writing class that I'm taking every week has been helping me out so much in constructing and building up all the different elements in a novel. This week I am around 170 pages deep into my writing and it feels so damn good!

Anyways, the dream I had two nights ago was so simple. I was in a cozy house with a family of 3, and the couple had a daughter and they invited me in to spend time with them. When they hugged they included me in their embrace and said that families are always going to be there for each other no matter. And that same morning I was looking through a few instagram feeds of people I know and follow and was really happy to see some people I knew really make a life for themselves and although life may be busy, we can ALWAYS still make time for the people that are truly important to us. And I thought about my own family in San Diego and it made me realize that I want to establish my own set of traditions, live my life the way I wanted to do with my own family someday. Too many times we follow the norm or the status quo about how we should live our lives because everyone else around us is pairing off and getting married. I want the same things too eventually, only I'm taking my sweet ass time getting there and not rushing off. What's the rush? I still want to explore ME. But that isn't to say I wouldn't be ready to settle down any time soon. I just don't want to feel pressured.

Global Soul

I love this quote from travel writer Pico Iyer, he wrote a book called The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls, and the Search for Home.


"The hope of a Global Soul, always, is that he can make the collection of his selves something greater than the whole; that diversity can leave him not a dissonance but a higher symphony."

I was reading an excerpt from this book for my Crossing Borders class and the topic of discussion this week was to discuss what "Home" meant for each of us. I define "Home" as being peaceful within and truly being happy wherever you are. I admit I still feel a bitter sweetness about California. I miss living in San Francisco, I miss all my friends and especially my family. But I am also glad that I am meeting so many like minded individuals out here in New York and really glad that there are others who are also on a similar path creatively and professionally. 


Since the beginning of time there have been massive migrations globally. People leaving their homeland to find more opportunities elsewhere for economic reasons. I know that's why I left California, in search of better opportunities professionally and also to meet others in the creative field. A good portion of the U.S. population is originally from a lot of different parts of the world and I know that many people also move to America for various reasons. It's become increasingly easy to move to a different place now because of technology. The advent of the internet has made it easier for people to travel and look for work elsewhere other than their homeland. 


I am a firm believer that you create your own world and CAN CHOOSE to have a positive or negative experience. It's often a lonely journey being independent and wanting to see the world and all it can offer you. Its most often the experience that makes us who we are and sometimes we have to come out of our comfort zone to experience a new way of living to help us see and understand the world around us. The more we grow and expand, our awareness also grows within us. But I think it doesn't really matter where you end up living or making a home. In the end you have to be happy and choosing to own your happiness will bring you closer to home. Sometimes we have to seek the answers within to know what we truly want.