Connecting the dots in a dream

Dreams are so crazy. Where do I even begin? I’ve been having weird dreams and epiphanies since I was a kid. I’ve been recording my dreams for a really long time now. You can imagine how many stacks of notebooks I’ve filled up just from writing my dreams down!

Two nights ago I dreamt I was on live t.v. on a ghost hunter show. In my dream I was in a team of people walking through an old house looking for ghosts or anything out of the ordinary. I remember feeling in my dream that I was never going to find anything and that it was all bullshit. That the ghosts we were hunting or trying to find weren’t even real. How crazy to think that in my dream? And maybe this is what I’m thinking in my life now? I feel like my perspective about a lot of different things are changing, I no longer view the world one way but from a place where I can totally separate my emotions and take myself out of the equation. I’m starting to look at things from a bigger expanded view and not through a pigeon hole.

Or maybe there are make believe ghosts in our lives that we think are real but aren’t completely all true. I’m starting to think that these “ghosts” in places that we think are haunted are completely non existent. That maybe this all stems from our fears. That maybe our own FEARS help manifest and CREATE things in our reality.

The dream I had made me think of what it was a metaphor for in my life now. And I know it could be the way I thought of things for a really long time. About God and praying and thinking that there is some sort of deity or higher thing that I should be afraid or grateful for in owing my existence to. I don’t know what’s out there, and I know that our human mind may not completely have all of the capacity to understand all there is to know.

And sometimes certain things in our life magically orchestrate themselves by aligning us with like minded individuals who help us understand and see things from a different point of view. I am used to believing that there is a God somewhere but I am in no way religious nor do I side with any religious views. For a really long time I knew that Christianity or Catholicism was never something I wanted to continue practicing. I had grown up Catholic and believe it or not I have spent a good amount of time going to a Christian church with my one of my aunts in San Diego when I was in high school. I’ve read the Bible inside and out. I found myself feeling really constrained and limited by what it preaches. I don’t doubt that it is the word of God that he channeled through people in history but I also think that it was relevant for its time.

I do however think that it is irrelevant for this time. And I know a lot of people may disagree with me, and I don’t hate Christianity - I will never do. But the way Christians think comes from a limited perspective and a place of lack, and I think that they accept things for what they are. I often hear, “This is God’s plan for you.” But quite frankly, we have the power to create our own future. I think if more of us took responsibility for where our lives are going and direct it so that we are living from the place that is aligned with our heart’s true passions, then you never have to see the challenges as something bad - but a way to motivate you and keep you going.

For the last 10 years of my life I secretly studied and devoured a lot of astrology, psychic energy and mysticism. The last 3 years brought me to a place where I actually learned to use my psychic gifts in helping other people and really learning to use this skill positively. Without focus or concentration this skill may never evolve. And this is true for everybody - we all have this ability even if you think you aren’t intuitive or tapped in at all, you’d be surprised what you are able to see with a little practice! I met and learned through another gifted Clairvoyant who was my mentor for a little over 6 months back in 2009. This was the first time that I really started to see what the human mind was capable of given these exercises to practice and cultivate. Two years into it I was really unbalanced with my physical world. Because I was tapping into weird things, I wasn’t completely focused in this world. Quite frankly my sanity was somewhere else. But I’m glad that I live in the here and now and more focused on the present. You have to be if you want to direct the future you want to have.

We don’t know if this “God” is a higher power or if there even is one. But what we all can relate to is a mysterious universal energy that guides our lives. There is a one energy that exists out there and this is what keeps us connected, that maybe this “God” consciousness connects us all and that we are God having different types of experiences and seeing the world from different perspectives. At least I’d like to think so.

The Reasons

I often think about the reasons why I do what I do.

• Why do you do what you do?
• Thinking about the reasons daily why you do things and what you're most grateful for helps you stay grounded and focused on your goals. 
• Staying in that LOVE energy keeps you attracting things that are good for you, allowing things in your life to manifest much quicker and rapidly. 
• Letting go and allowing things to happen instead of forcing things to happen is a huge difference. 
• But also keeping in mind a certain goal and taking those necessary actions to take you there. 

I love this quote from Samuel Goldwyn,

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Two Wolves

Native Wisdom 

A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."

"One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance."

"The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep VISION."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said. Then he finally cried out; "Oyee! Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee replied, "The wolf that you feed."

Unconscious Desires in Dreams

Lately all I've been thinking about these days are ideas about what a family should be like and surprised even that its the subject of a few recent dreams that I've been having! I've been unconsciously thinking too much about getting serious about my life. Every day I wake up and I think about the future I want to build and what kind of successes that I want to have in my career. This year has really brought out a lot of my introversion,  a lot of deep thinking about life in general, where I want to be creatively and professionally, and what I truly desire in my heart of hearts. There are so many things I want. And I know that since this year has started I have not wasted any time in trying to put my life back together and I've really just been going for my dreams. A lot of my time in the last couple of months have been spent in deep study (online grad studies) that I've been finishing from San Francisco. A lot of writing, in the last 2 months... I've been zoned out and trying to finish writing my first novel. It's so crazy to think that in the pursuit of exploring something creatively would bring a person to different heights. That the creative mind is far more capable than we could ever know.

I never once considered writing a career and a possibility. Every day I'm taking steps and getting closer to realizing a dream. That I could actually finish writing a novel and the possibility of getting an agent at a writing conference that I'm attending soon blows my mind. If I could do what I love creatively, I would be even happier than I am now. I'm truly happy and at peace with myself these days even though I'm so far from California, which I miss so much!

I'm still discovering parts of the story and every day something new unfolds for me as I continue to write. Its like these weird energies or inspiration muses that come to me at different times of the day and I feel the energy as it speaks and gives me ideas about what to write and how to write. Its really crazy, there are specific details that come and I know exactly where to insert it. Its the weirdest thing. I find myself going back inserting scenes here and there that I didn't even think of. That's why they say just write and through the process you'll discover many things along the way. And it's not the end of the world if you don't get it right the first time, you can always go back and edit out what you don't like. But if you don't get it out you'll reamin in a stuck energy. Also my novel writing class that I'm taking every week has been helping me out so much in constructing and building up all the different elements in a novel. This week I am around 170 pages deep into my writing and it feels so damn good!

Anyways, the dream I had two nights ago was so simple. I was in a cozy house with a family of 3, and the couple had a daughter and they invited me in to spend time with them. When they hugged they included me in their embrace and said that families are always going to be there for each other no matter. And that same morning I was looking through a few instagram feeds of people I know and follow and was really happy to see some people I knew really make a life for themselves and although life may be busy, we can ALWAYS still make time for the people that are truly important to us. And I thought about my own family in San Diego and it made me realize that I want to establish my own set of traditions, live my life the way I wanted to do with my own family someday. Too many times we follow the norm or the status quo about how we should live our lives because everyone else around us is pairing off and getting married. I want the same things too eventually, only I'm taking my sweet ass time getting there and not rushing off. What's the rush? I still want to explore ME. But that isn't to say I wouldn't be ready to settle down any time soon. I just don't want to feel pressured.

Global Soul

I love this quote from travel writer Pico Iyer, he wrote a book called The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls, and the Search for Home.


"The hope of a Global Soul, always, is that he can make the collection of his selves something greater than the whole; that diversity can leave him not a dissonance but a higher symphony."

I was reading an excerpt from this book for my Crossing Borders class and the topic of discussion this week was to discuss what "Home" meant for each of us. I define "Home" as being peaceful within and truly being happy wherever you are. I admit I still feel a bitter sweetness about California. I miss living in San Francisco, I miss all my friends and especially my family. But I am also glad that I am meeting so many like minded individuals out here in New York and really glad that there are others who are also on a similar path creatively and professionally. 


Since the beginning of time there have been massive migrations globally. People leaving their homeland to find more opportunities elsewhere for economic reasons. I know that's why I left California, in search of better opportunities professionally and also to meet others in the creative field. A good portion of the U.S. population is originally from a lot of different parts of the world and I know that many people also move to America for various reasons. It's become increasingly easy to move to a different place now because of technology. The advent of the internet has made it easier for people to travel and look for work elsewhere other than their homeland. 


I am a firm believer that you create your own world and CAN CHOOSE to have a positive or negative experience. It's often a lonely journey being independent and wanting to see the world and all it can offer you. Its most often the experience that makes us who we are and sometimes we have to come out of our comfort zone to experience a new way of living to help us see and understand the world around us. The more we grow and expand, our awareness also grows within us. But I think it doesn't really matter where you end up living or making a home. In the end you have to be happy and choosing to own your happiness will bring you closer to home. Sometimes we have to seek the answers within to know what we truly want. 

Alternate Realities

I recently watched the movie "The Vow" on Valentine's Day starring Channing Tatum and Rachel Mcadams with a girl friend of mine after work. I was getting ready for such a cheesy romantic chick flick but then I was surprised at how honestly good the movie is, really crafted storytelling. The beginning brings you to the point of the present reality of the couple and then the accident happens. Its pretty good in that it does describe all the moments of "impact" as the character Leo describes it. The ending of the movie presents a reality and not your average happy ending. I really enjoyed Channing Tatum's acting and the character he played, he's unbelievably a great actor and he has so much character in the movie. You would fall in love with his character!

There were a few thoughts I had about the message of this movie, and I'm sorry if I ruin it for some of you who may not have seen it yet! But it is interesting to note that "Paige" played by Rachel Mcadams didn't remember the last four years of her life that she spent with her husband Leo. She had lost most of her short-term memory and could only remember up to the point where she left law school and made a sudden change in her life, which included following her passions to pursue art. Okay, I'll stop right there and not give away the rest of the story.

And it also made me think about the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow and the idea that life can have alternate realities based upon what we decide to choose in our paths. In some far-fetched realm of higher consciousness, we can fantasize about the idea that we can live in many different ways and choose different ways of living. The sum of our experiences have made us who we are today, positive or negative. That each experience taught us an important lesson that brought us to an expanded awareness and consciousness. I'd like to think that each experience in our lives help us contribute to a higher and elevated mind state, either through works of art or a contribution to an evolving society. If you are open, aware, and carefully observing the world around you-- we can tap into these higher states of consciousness through the universal mind. It is open for anyone to tap into, but are you open? Opening up to this level of consciousness can bring about creative works of art, not just visual art, but also through writing, film, and books...

But in the end everything comes together to form the present you, that everything we do is out of love. Love and Joy are the highest form of vibration and the moment you tap into this yourself, the more the world pours love onto you! I believe the world is better when you have found the love inside of you first and are open to giving that love to the world around you. You have to give to receive. That is a universal law. And living in gratitude brings so much love into your life.

Believe in love it is a grounding force.


xoxo
Diane

Signs

A week ago I had something really interesting happen to me. I was on the phone with a good friend of mine from San Francisco and we were talking about my writing and the dream space. We got into an amazing discussion about setting the intention before going to bed as prayers, to do the work in the dream state and to figure out the things I wanted to write about with the novel I'm working on. So that when I woke up in the morning I would do the work automatically when I write. I ended up being on the phone with her for two hours and had forgotten that I had left the kettle on over the stove, I wanted to make some tea. But because I was on the phone I forgot!


I went to bed soon after the phone call and prayed. I prayed and I called in my spirit guides to help me discover new things in the dream world. I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and suddenly I felt an energy and a buzzing go through me and my right ear. I have been aware of this buzzing and energy that seems to go through me for the last 5 years of my life. The buzzing usually comes in through my left ear and I have seen orbs along with the buzzing in clear daylight. They are so much more evident during the day and much easier to see the orbs. But sometimes I can see color at night in dim lighting. 


This time I felt like there was something different about the buzzing since it went through the right side of my body. And so I thought cool my guides heard me and my prayers because I felt them. Then I went to sleep. The kitchen is actually in a separate apartment from my bedroom and so of course leaving the kettle on the stove was something that completely evaded my mind because I was literally down the hall in separate quarters.


At about 4 am, one of my roomates knocked on my door and woke me up to tell me what had happened. The kettle burnt up and it smelled like gas in our kitchen from the fumes. I felt completely horrible about the fact that I forgot and that I could of been responsible for a bad accident. My two roomates work odd hours and had just gotten home and had caught the thing burnt up. I'm just really thankful no one got hurt.


I just can't believe I forgot. I know I am human and we make mistakes. That energy going through my right ear was completely giving me a warning about something in my physical waking world but I didn't listen. Rather I didn't understand. But now I do. I feel like sometimes things like that happen in our lives to make us understand and to differentiate between things and to really know and recognize what the messages are that are being shown to us. 


Awareness. That's what I learned. 

Divine Appointment

Divine appointment. 

What does that mean?

I asked myself that same question. I wasn't sure that I understood it the first time I heard the words. Its not something you hear everyday. I believe that there is a purpose for all the different things that happen to us, whether they may be good or bad. Positive or negative, it still serves a purpose and becomes part of a series of events that help us unlock something in our lives.

I find that when we think about something constantly in our mind, it could be something that we truly want and desire, that God or the Source of all that is does hear our prayers. I know this in my heart that we are always connected to God. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, or what you believe in. But everyone in this world does believe in some kind of higher being and we know somewhere deep down within our soul that there is a divine presence in our lives.

One example that I recently experienced, a breakup from a recent relationship. I'm not going to go into details, let's just say that after it ended I was obviously hurt from all the emotional stuff. But it really got me thinking about all the things that I wanted in a relationship, all the things that I didn't want to compromise. I decided that I wanted to experience being in a relationship with someone who met me halfway and treated me as their equal. A balanced, serious and deep committed relationship. This is what I wanted for myself all along. I think as humans we naturally want to be in a relationship and a marriage even. There's no shame in saying what you want, own it! I want to settle down and be married someday soon!

So here I was a month and a half ago, recently broken up from a previous relationship that didn't seem to have a future. I decided that I wanted to be happy at that point, with somebody that deserved me and vice versa. Somebody who wanted the same things as I did. And as soon as I made that decision, my dreams became really intense! They showed me exactly what my unconscious desires were! I had a dream that I was in a new relationship with somebody and he told me that he loved me and that I loved him back, and I was happy! And in that same dream my ex-boyfriend showed up and I could see him from afar and only that he looked upset and miserable working on some production set. Dreams are tricky! This dream was a few days before I left for San Diego for the holidays, a week before Christmas  I traveled through Chicago on a connecting flight. This is where I experienced a Divine Appointment.

I sat waiting at the airport for two hours for my flight to San Diego and I sat next to this lovely older woman. We had made small talk about where we were from and really had an enjoyable conversation together. I had talked about my recent move to New York and told her all the things that I wanted for my career path. All the things that I hope to do this year in exploring my creativity and art, and also finishing my last year in Grad School online. She had revealed to me that she was working on her Chaplain's license. I had no idea what that was, but for the rest of us who may not know what that is-- it's a minister who works with grief counseling with families and individuals who pass away.

Just as it was time for her to board her flight, she wanted to do a small prayer of blessings. I hadn't informed her of any of my dating histories, nor did she ask if I was in a relationship, which I had no recollection of mentioning. The first thing she said in the prayer was that she hoped that I find the husband that I was looking for, that this person would be able to adapt and go with me where ever I wanted to go, intuitively she had picked up on my restless, creative, and adventurous side. (Someone that could keep up with me mentally and emotionally) And then she also said a few prayers about my career and she hoped that I would find a job that I truly enjoyed soon. Then it was over.

I asked her afterwards how she knew that I had been thinking about a relationship and wanting to be married someday soon and how I had been thinking the same thing the past few days. And that's when she said, "Divine appointment." She gave me a hug when she left and I thanked her. I soon realized after she left me there standing that God had heard my prayers and used her as a Channel to let me know that he had heard my prayers as a confirmation. That He pre-arranged this meeting and I was destined to meet this lady. Wow. The whole experience was magical. It made me feel again that things were possible through faith. We must have faith and believe in our hearts what we want in our lives will and can happen. And know that things will come together when they are ready to. I felt my heart expand that day and I felt as if nothing could ever hurt me again.

Have you ever had any Divine Appointments in your life? I'd love to hear it!



xoxo
Diane

John Cassavetes Quote

I've been exploring the idea of wanting, what I want, what do people want... hmmm. And I found this really cool quote!




“Most people don't know what they want or feel. And for everyone, myself included, It's very difficult to say what you mean when what you mean is painful. The most difficult thing in the world is to reveal yourself, to express what you have to... As an artist, I feel that we must try many things - but above all, we must dare to fail. You must have the courage to be bad - to be willing to risk everything to really express it all.” 


― John Cassavetes