Unconscious Desires in Dreams

Lately all I've been thinking about these days are ideas about what a family should be like and surprised even that its the subject of a few recent dreams that I've been having! I've been unconsciously thinking too much about getting serious about my life. Every day I wake up and I think about the future I want to build and what kind of successes that I want to have in my career. This year has really brought out a lot of my introversion,  a lot of deep thinking about life in general, where I want to be creatively and professionally, and what I truly desire in my heart of hearts. There are so many things I want. And I know that since this year has started I have not wasted any time in trying to put my life back together and I've really just been going for my dreams. A lot of my time in the last couple of months have been spent in deep study (online grad studies) that I've been finishing from San Francisco. A lot of writing, in the last 2 months... I've been zoned out and trying to finish writing my first novel. It's so crazy to think that in the pursuit of exploring something creatively would bring a person to different heights. That the creative mind is far more capable than we could ever know.

I never once considered writing a career and a possibility. Every day I'm taking steps and getting closer to realizing a dream. That I could actually finish writing a novel and the possibility of getting an agent at a writing conference that I'm attending soon blows my mind. If I could do what I love creatively, I would be even happier than I am now. I'm truly happy and at peace with myself these days even though I'm so far from California, which I miss so much!

I'm still discovering parts of the story and every day something new unfolds for me as I continue to write. Its like these weird energies or inspiration muses that come to me at different times of the day and I feel the energy as it speaks and gives me ideas about what to write and how to write. Its really crazy, there are specific details that come and I know exactly where to insert it. Its the weirdest thing. I find myself going back inserting scenes here and there that I didn't even think of. That's why they say just write and through the process you'll discover many things along the way. And it's not the end of the world if you don't get it right the first time, you can always go back and edit out what you don't like. But if you don't get it out you'll reamin in a stuck energy. Also my novel writing class that I'm taking every week has been helping me out so much in constructing and building up all the different elements in a novel. This week I am around 170 pages deep into my writing and it feels so damn good!

Anyways, the dream I had two nights ago was so simple. I was in a cozy house with a family of 3, and the couple had a daughter and they invited me in to spend time with them. When they hugged they included me in their embrace and said that families are always going to be there for each other no matter. And that same morning I was looking through a few instagram feeds of people I know and follow and was really happy to see some people I knew really make a life for themselves and although life may be busy, we can ALWAYS still make time for the people that are truly important to us. And I thought about my own family in San Diego and it made me realize that I want to establish my own set of traditions, live my life the way I wanted to do with my own family someday. Too many times we follow the norm or the status quo about how we should live our lives because everyone else around us is pairing off and getting married. I want the same things too eventually, only I'm taking my sweet ass time getting there and not rushing off. What's the rush? I still want to explore ME. But that isn't to say I wouldn't be ready to settle down any time soon. I just don't want to feel pressured.